Beru's Haven

Trying to live as normal a life while knowing I have cancer...

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

I'm an emotional wreck

Women will be able to relate. I know it. Sometimes everything just hits at once and breaks down around you. I'm at that point. Just trying to hang in there and pull it together.
Irrational. Paranoid. Hormonal - most likely. My strength has weakened and I'm a mess.
The breakdown I was worried about happening during the weekend has occurred after. And now I'm by myself.
The walls I have built around myself to protect me from my emotions have crumbled. I haven't really cried for a long time, when I should have been. I didn't really cry about my cancer. I didn't really cry about my mother passing. I wouldn't allow myself to feel it. Honestly, I wasn't able to allow myself to feel much of anything. Something has changed within me though, and now everything is coming up.
It needed to. It isn't healthy to keep it in, but it's hard to let it out.

2 Comments:

At 12:36 PM, Anonymous shanan said...

hi shannon. i know exactly what you mean about everything coming at you all at once. when my mom died a year and a half ago i went numb. she was an alcoholic so there was a lot of anger issues. i pushed the thoughts out of my head and didn't deal. then out of nowhere the feelings would surface. you need to cry about the cancer, your mom, and anything else your holding in. A good cry does wonders. hang in there and im glad to hear that the cancer is shrinking. mike said he had a great time with you! :-)

 
At 12:48 PM, Blogger Beru said...

Thanks, Shanan. :) It's good to know I'm not alone. I had a great time with Mike, too. It just wasn't a long enough visit... maybe next time... I just want him to feel better now- that's part of it as well... EVERYTHING is part of my emotions right now...

 

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