Beru's Haven

Trying to live as normal a life while knowing I have cancer...

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Not Giving Up

Just to be sure everyone understands, I'm not giving up. I may have an underlying feeling that I'm losing my battle, but it doesn't mean that I have no hope.
The oncologist nurse that helps me with my benefits, etc, called me yesterday. I told her about the pain, the discharge, and the tumor markers going up and asked her if this meant that my tumor was growing. She told me that it could very well indicate that. Not that we know for sure, we'd need a scan, and she isn't going to be a doctor and diagnosis that, of course. I knew it though. Sometimes you have to listen to your body. So I guess some people say "Eat Organic"- well, geez, change everything to organic and you think this farspread disease is going to suddenly shrink? I don't think so. Did not eating organic cause it? Probably not, so I don't see how switching is suddenly going to save me. Take "such and such vitamin", it's a vitamin you are lacking that causes cancer! If that was true, don't you think medical science would have found it by now. It's government conspiracy! I find that hard to believe- this time ;) . I'll do what I can, but I think it's a little neurotic to go chasing snake oil as a last minute cure, or religion.
Of course, it could just be nothing... um right... Well, I have to go pay my car payment and go to the bookstore for a present. Friday is my mother's memorial service here locally, then my aunt arrives on Saturday. I better get things done that need to get done.


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