Beru's Haven

Trying to live as normal a life while knowing I have cancer...

Monday, December 12, 2005

My horoscope today from astrocenter.com: Today you awake feeling energetic and optimistic. Of course you can do anything you set your mind to! This positive outlook is a refreshing change from your usual pessimism. It certainly is easier to go through life happy. As Abraham Lincoln said: People pretty much choose whether or not they are going to be happy. Kudos to you for making the right choice. You are bound to be successful, once you let yourself believe that this is so.
Uh huh. Having trouble with this believing stuff. My tumor markers have gone up (again) another 400 points. I'm in pain, much like I was before I started treatment, plus I'm having some other physical symptoms I had before I started treatment. The doctor says I had a slight change on a tumor on my lymph nodes, but nowhere else- and I've got plenty of cancer tumor to spread around. So is it growing? That's my guess. What else could it be? So, I'm supposed to be optimistic? I have tried. This just really makes it hard to be when I'm going through these signs. What do you call realistic? Realistically, I can't be too much of an optimist- in my opinion- when it comes to the cancer.
Anyway, I still have some holiday shopping to do. I really don't feel like moving much, since I'm in pain.
Mary, Alexis and I went to dinner on Friday and then saw "Narnia". It was alright- definitely more of a kid's movie, in my opinion. I really want to see "Memoirs of a Geisha", however, it's not playing locally yet. It was good going out though.
Not that I stay home all the time- well, during the week I do... but on the weekend, Alexis and I usually try to catch a movie and perhaps dinner or shopping.
I need to start planning for Aidan's birthday. He'll have his party either this week or next. He said Star Wars for the theme last night, so I'll go with that. I wanted to get the Darth Vader pinata for his party anyway, and now it's a good excuse. The party will be at school, which is just better all around for me this year.
Still haven't let the rest of the things happening lately sink in... my aunt (mother's sister) will be here next week- and I'm sure it will come out then...

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