Beru's Haven

Trying to live as normal a life while knowing I have cancer...

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Early Saturday Morning

I've been "waking up" earlier in the mornings lately. Granted, I still take naps during the day, but I'm enjoying the early morning for some reason or another.
I'm feeling a little bit better. The swelling (lymphedema) is going down a good amount. I'm still swollen pretty large though in my ankles, feet and toes. It's about like what the swelling was like though during the convention, etc, so it's still pretty large- but NOTHING compared to how huge it was before.
I need to get my compression hose on- what fun those are to wear!
Anyway, I've been getting somethings done lately, and spending time with my father- which he is happy about- so things are doing well more mentally.
Here are the photos of the flowers I've received recently. Again, thank you everyone who sent them.
Irises from Tracy. Very symbolic for my cancer.

This pot is from my local support group. Somehow I have managed not to kill them yet.

This flower definitely won't die! Isn't it cute? Andrea got it for me while I was in the hospital.

Well, I am going to do my exercises and put on the hose, prop up the legs- do the things I'm supposed to do.
Hope everyone is doing well.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Oh yeah

Thanks for all the flowers lately. Thanks Tracy for the irises, and Amy for the daisies, and Aidan for the mums.
Happy Mother's Day for those who I may have missed!

Hello stranger

It's difficult for me to sit and write, so I haven't really been around.
The doctor said the lymphedema will just take a while to go down, and in the meantime gave me compression hose- ooh, ahh- and signed me up for home health. I have a physical therapist and occupation therapist coming in a couple of times at least a week, plus a regular nurse. I thought it was rather ridiculous for me to go through with this, but when we started doing some of the work, I started getting teary because it was actually difficult.
It's all going to work out okay though. I'll be alright.
Just gotta believe.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

going back

got back from houston, having complications... heading back out there tonight, see doc tomorrow...

Monday, May 01, 2006

going to the er

down in Houston... will be out of town for a few days at least... sorry I didn't get time to tell everyone...

Sunday, April 23, 2006


We all have them of one another. Is it fair so much? Sometimes things just need to be understood without having limitations on things. Do I expect any of my friends to understand what I'm going through? No. Can you do anything for me? Not so much. Be there. Listen. Try and understand what goes through my head on a daily basis. Although there is no way I expect anyone to truly understand and exactly empathize with it. It's a touchy subject without hurting feelings. Right now I just don't know how much longer I have. Honestly. The more that I hurt, the more symptoms I have, the more it sinks in that an end is coming sooner than I hoped. It just brings up bigger questions, and it's really not a great place to be, but it's something that must be faced. This is what I'm currently dealing with- and it's not fun. Understand that I'm not really feeling good, but I still need the support- sometimes it's good to be "bothered". It's hard, I understand. What do you say? You aren't the only one searching for the "right words", trust me. Just realize that it's a lot on me right now, and try to give me a break - and I'll try to give out breaks also.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

"Alias" returns tonight...

That's something good. It's a two-hour show as well, but it's all a countdown to the big finale. Still, it gives me something to look forward to.
The doctor called in some anti-nausea meds in for me yesterday. I tried them last summer, but I'm going to give them another shot now. It can't hurt.
I'm feeling less nauseated today- so maybe it's working, or overall the nausea is letting up.
The pain is not. I'm in constant pain. Constant. I wake up in pain, and it keeps me from sleeping at times as well- even as doped up as I get on the pain meds.
I have constant reminders- the pain as well as other things- that the tumors are growing. It makes me feel as though I'm losing the battle. Which, I guess, if we're being honest, I am.
Yesterday morning I was able to accompany my father to the probate hearing- so that was something.
Easter Sunday I wasn't able to hardly get out of bed, but Aidan and I watched some tv and played in bed.
I've lost more weight. Just not so much around the belly as I guess that is swollen and all.
I haven't really been on the computer, either. I haven't really been doing much of anything. A little reading. A lot of resting/napping. A lot of mindless tv.
I just want life to be normal again. Why did this have to happen to me? It just doesn't seem right...

Monday, April 17, 2006

dumb birds

keep chirping... 24 hours a day... I'm serious... middle of the night and I'm hearing birds chirping... argh...
anyway, I feel awful because of the chemo- I guess... so I've been holed up...
I'm having to cancel my trip to CT because of this, too... and I'm real upset about it...
sorry I've been away, when I feel better I'll type more...